The Exam Guide

I just got done with my "Board Exams" (In quotes cause they're a BIG thing you know?) and now I'm frankly very bored! Yes I have my entrances to study for but a girl deserves a break doesn't she?

Hence during one of my deary ploddings I started thinking of all the ways I've seen people use- those little pre-exam todkas- to clear their exams over the past 14 years because obviously there's nothing more important than clearing school exams warna "saamne wali Sharma aunty kya kahengi?"

So reader(s) (hopefully more than one person will read this. Hopefully being the key word.) fasten your seatbelts get your badaam ka doodh and get reading and make sure you makes notes!

*drumroll*

TIPS TO PASS EXAMS

1. Pay attention in class
But since obviously you don't do that read further.

*note: if you pay attention in class why are you even here? And even if you are I don't see why you should read on because you frankly don't need help unless obviously you're
a) a friend who's reading this cause I forced you to
b) or someone who likes to read stupid lists like this and see me make a fool of myself

Now getting back to the point;

2. Make Notes
The answer to all your problems. Make notes.
Because obviously wasting paper to write what you couldn't understand reading makes perfect sense!

3. Eat Badam

"Har roz raat ko sone se pehle 4 badam bheegona aur uthte hi khaa lena beta doodh ke saath memory sharp ho jaayegi."

No Nani I love you but just badam won't help na.

4. Improve Your Handwriting

"Beta patta hai na boards me agar aachi handwriting mein likh ke aaoge toh aache marks milenge?"

I get it. Make your paper neat. But just good handwriting won't do. This is like saying if your handwriting's good toh Honey Singh ke lyrics likhne pe marks milenge.

"Pass karado. Phone ghumado. Mujhe pata hai aap bhi yoyo ke fan ho."

5. Highlight Important Points
(Read: highlight everything but words like a, an, the, at, on etc)

EVERYTHING IS IMPORTANT.
How can I be partial to one page and ignore the rest. They're in the same book. On the same type of paper. I believe in treating all my pages equally.

6. Change Your Name

What? No don't laugh.
Let me explain with an example.

Say Srishti is the topper of your class.
So change your name to Srishtii  so that you sit right behind her in exams and can copy everything off her paper.

*note: terms and conditions apply.
This technique is bound to fail when there are sets so change you name wisely.

7. Take Tuitions

(Read go to tuition. Make new friends. Eat momos with them later- preferably fried. Stare at the one cute guy in tuition. Take hours to come back home and then sleep because "mom abhi toh tuition se aayi ho. Let me sleep na.")

8. Date Someone Older To You

Preferably someone who had the same stream in school as you do now so that he/she can "teach" you.

Date ki date. Padhai ki padhai. And even better you don't have to dish out large sums of cash like you do for tutors. You could always pay them in kind. ;)

9. Use Contacts

That one person who can get you leaked papers a night before the exams? Find him/her. Just. Do. It.

10. Surround Yourself With Dumb People

Hey! No don't get offended. I'm not calling you dumb.
I'm just saying hang out dumb people.
This won't help you pass exams but it sure will make you feel better about yourself and your mom wont compare you to your friends and yell at you when they get better marks.

(Corollary to point 10)
11. Surround Yourself With Intelligent People

Yeah. See that gang of nerds who study their ass off? Befriend them. You'll learn a lot.
Probably more than you'll from your teacher.

12. Deactivate Facebook

In a study conducted by me and my team of experts we surveyed individuals between the age groups of 16-22 and concluded that following are the reasons people deactivate Facebook;
a) they are being stalked by someone
b) they broke up with their s/o
c) they are giving important exams
d) others

What was extremely shocking was that most of these people belonged to category b!

And this makes perfect sense as Facebook is the only distraction in life and it must be curtailed or else pass kaise honge?

13.  Don't Study At All

Yeah. Because if this way even if you do flunk you won't feel bad.

14. Fall Sick

As they say in Hindi "naa rahega bans na bajegi bansuri"

15. Watch YouTube Videos

"Toh beta engineering ke baad MBA karna hai ya YouTube videos banni hai?"

16. Get Married Right After School

You couldn't do well in school/college? Don't worry I'm sure you'll make a great family man/woman.

17. Buy Extra Books

"Beta bas NCERT mat karke jaana. Saath mein 200 aur books lelo and yes do read Ramayana or Bhagwad Gita too cause you know value based questions aate hai!"

18. Read Motivational Books

Yes because a third person who doesn't know anything about your life and was paid to write a book can help you "focus".

19. Do Group Study

(Read lol I'm just doing this group study session so that I get to hang out more with the girl/guy I like.)

20. Pull All-Nighters

"Study all night.
Study all night.
We do study all night.
Aaj kitaaban khulan do.
Coffee-shoofee pete raho…
Cause we do study all night."

(Corollary to point 20)
21. Sleep Well

*this is self explanatory*

22. Don't Take Stress

"Beta these exams determine what you do in the future. Your career depends upon this. You life depends upon this. You must get 102% or you won't get admission anywhere. But also remember don't take stress. These are just exams. "

Oh the irony.

"Don't fret these are just exams" is the new "There is nothing between us we're just friends"

23. Blame It On Kismaat

You flunked?
I have a way out just say
"Yaar mera set his itna tough tha. Baaki dono sets mein itne easy questions the. Luck ki kharaabh hai mera."

24. Write a Blog Post About How To Do Well In Exams

*self explanatory*

25. Pray

When all else fails. Pray.
"Bhagwaanji sabh sambhaal lenge."

-*-*-*-*-

That's a wrap.

-*-*-*-*-

That's all the "life changing" advice I have for now!
If I missed out on something you can always comment and tell me!

Also on a very serious note if you do have important exams coming up. Don't fret. Instead channel
all your nervous energies into something constructive! :*

-love, Srishti.