“To hear never-heard sounds,
To see never-seen colors and shapes,
To try to understand the imperceptible
Power pervading the world;
To fly and find pure ethereal substances
That are not of matter
But of that invisible soul pervading reality.
To hear another soul and to whisper to another soul;
To be a lantern in the darkness
Or an umbrella in a stormy day;
To feel much more than know.
To be the eyes of an eagle, slope of a mountain;
To be a wave understanding the influence of the moon;
To be a tree and read the memory of the leaves;
To be an insignificant pedestrian on the streets
Of crazy cities watching, watching, and watching.
To be a smile on the face of a woman
And shine in her memory
As a moment saved without planning.”
All my life, I've heard that cities are made by people, but ever since I've begun challenging preset notions, I have come to the conclusion that its not people who make cities, but its the cities who make people. Us mortals can do nothing more build the infrastructure of a city, but the city has its own being, it shapes lives, it'll show you its shades and colours just when you're ready for them. Even to the men who built the city, it'll forever be a mystery.
Over the past couple of years, specially the last year, while travelling ridiculous distances 5 days a week, this city, my city, has always stood there by me, as a silent observer offering the odd helping hand when direly required. My perspective on life and things has evolved, and I don't attribute any of that to a happening or a specific person, but more to the city and its anonymous faces, who just like me too needed to find a purpose in life. "Needed," yes, past tense, not because I've found my purpose, but I've found the way to reach it.
The city changes as you do, the same road I travelled on for 14 years of my life, looks different now, and I realise with pity on my old self, that there are so many things I'd never noticed. I'd never be a different person if a stranger hadn't lent me a knowing smile in the overcrowded and noisy metro compartment- which said "you're not alone, we're all stuck in the rut together." Or on a rainy day, on one hand watched kids playing with glee and on the other people standing under flyovers for shelter- groaning and cursing the Gods, or the smiling child in the arms of a lady vending books at a crossing, or that one rickshaw puller who was ready to take a sick girl back home, even if it could result in potential loss of business. These things, seem very insignificant, and I could be accused of being too poetic but that's the price you pay, rather gift you receive, when you stop looking at the "bigger picture" and stop to admire the moment you are in. Its a matter of convenience too, I can now derive happiness from the smaller things in life and don't need an over the top validation of being alive. Sure paragliding gives an adrenaline rush, but so does running after buses, bargaining for jhumkas and just the simple act of lending a smile to a stranger. Always thought it was a funny phrase "lending a smile," but it all makes perfect sense. There is no smile brighter than of a mother's when she holds her child in her arms for the first time, and that right there is where the chain starts. The mother lent the child its first smile, now that child is going to smile and lighten up someone else's world. That's how the lending starts and its a debt I wouldn't mind incurring.
Its true though, I've gotten rid of the "bigger picture," auctioned it off. Why? Because, for the past 20 years its robbed me the joy of living in the moment, I need to enjoy the gift that is, the present and stop hoping for a bigger, brighter, shinier probable gift. If something feels right in the moment it needs to be done, then and there, there is no point in leaving it to the "bigger picture" life has for us. Rather now, I more interested in making a collage. Build on the smaller moments; small steps; a billion smaller pictures which I can later weave together to build a colossal collage. This makes accepting challenges easier too, because there is nothing to worry about, I can always leave out certain pictures from my collage if the film got overexposed.
So coming back to where I started from, the bottom line, in the most cliched sense is that, Ive changed, and this city has had a huge role to play in it. I'm still an oddball but a slightly more confident, selfish and reckless one. My only hope from all of this is that I can make some good out of this, for starters get back to writing again. So here's kick starting take two of A Series Of Missfortunes.
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